hope-theshadowwalker

My come back to the blogging wrold.

2009-03-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

Alright I know that i haven't been posting anything in quite some time ,but i have had many diffrent things going on in my life in the past five mounths ,and as this was going through my mind i couldent find the word's to say how i was doing .

now almost six mounths later i am starting to make a come back there has just been so much going on that i could not' clear my mind ,and therefore have somewhat been avoiding some people in my life ,and i am writing this to let theese people that this was not' anything personal its just how i can get when i have to much going on in my mind.

anyway i am going to post some new poetry sometime later on today ,and i hope you all enjoy that also i am going to start riding again once a week ,and i am going to try ,and take some pic's while riding to post for you as well .

but untile then much love take care ,and god bless you all.

hope.

the list of new song's that i love these day's

2009-01-11T17:17:00.000-08:00

1. cowgirl's don't cry by brooks and dun
2.sound's so good by Ashton Shepard
3.taking chances by Celine Dion
4.taken off this pain by Ashton Shepard
5.all summer long by kid rock
6.Psycho by puddle of mud
7.right kind of wrong by Leann Rimes

these are my most new favorite song's but my most favorite one right now is '
I Swere by john Montgomery .

also the song dear god by seven fold is cool to .

this is Fang

2009-01-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

he is wolf, german shepard ,chow mix he's a big baby though.

and here is a goffy pic of the little beast to .

my New Ride I love it so much can you tell?

2009-01-10T15:39:00.001-08:00

well this one is for you sis , its pic's of my new truck its kinda dirty right now i need to take it to the car wrash really really bad it almost look's white lol

more photos with words added to them by me

2008-12-09T00:18:00.001-08:00

Not' A very good day to be on the water if you want to know what i think? you know thats going to hurt ,

Soul mates underneath the setting sun.

Looking over the reo grand getting ready to run again.

Goliath the worlds tallest horse standing almost 9 feet tall at the shoulder's.

Little red the Physio chick.

At a loss for words today so here are some photos

2008-12-09T00:07:00.001-08:00

Woody The most Evil Scowl that i have ever meet in my life.

The True Meaning Of A mother's Love for Her Baby

MR, Monty Roberts The Greatest horsemen to To ever walk this earth I only wish that one day i could be hafe as good with horses as he is .

A Cowgirls first love for horse's

Asking for peace on earth the Native way This is also known by many people as end of the trail.

my mom ,my sister ,and I

2008-12-08T23:27:00.000-08:00

there are so many things that i have learned throughout the years ,but the most important thing that i have learned is that no matter what happens family will always be here for you when you need them the most. and even under the weirdest reasons family will never give up on you ,and they will never leave your side or forget about you like so many other people that you meet throughout your life. I am so grateful to my whole family for always standing by me with the chooses that i have mead throughout the the years ,and am even more grateful for having such a great family to always come home to when i have been away for so long ,and the world trey's' to make me go insane I know that if there is one thing in my life its that i will always be able to come back to my family ,and my roots no matter what happens.

For my best friends ,kari ,and linda

2008-12-08T23:12:00.000-08:00

for my two best friends in the whole wide world.
there are people that come into our lives each ,and everyday ,but some come and go others are only there when they want to be ,but you guys are always here for me when i need you ,and your always watching out for me ,and always trying to keep a carfal eye on your little sister ,and i just wanted to write this post to let you both know just how much that i love ,and apostate you both so very much. I don't know what i would do without you guy's my life would be so empty ,and meaningless if i didn't have you as my true friends ,and i thank god each and everyday for sending you to me as my friends, and you know that no matter what might happen in my own life that i am always going to be here for you when you need me ,and I'm not' going anywhere because i true friend want leave a friend standing out in the cold alone instead we give you a blanket ,and stand there with you until your ready to come back into the by the warmth of the wood fire, and you guys have both been there for me throughout the years there was so many times when i myself didn't want to come back in ,but yell never gave up me ,and for that i am grateful ,and for that i can say that you are my only true two friend. I LOVE you guys with all my heart forever ,and always
love your little sister
hopeless in Arkansas. thank you for being my best friends

For My dalening nece Danielle my girl

2008-12-08T23:01:00.000-08:00

To my niece
you are the one that makes me laugh
you are the one that makes my day bright
you are like my sunshine on a cloudy day
you are the one that always makes me feel loved ,and you always make
me feel so special
your also the only one that bets me at wahoo ,but at the end of the day i know that its worth it because, i know that you had fun spending time with me , and i thank god each ,and everyday for giving me such a beautiful ,and loving niece.
I feel like the luckiest aunt in the world having you in my life ,and as i watch you grow up i can't help but tell you each ,and everyday just how proud of you that i am . you are my kid ,and i love you with all my heart forever ,and always no matter what I will always be your crazy aunt that you love so much.

the way things are in this life

2008-12-02T23:11:00.000-08:00

everything in this life is unprdctbul
everything is so unsure
everything is not' alway's right where we want it to be.
everything is not' always easy for us.
everything is not' perfict in everyway
everything is said to be into the unknown for us
everything is messed up to a point ?
everythig is special in its own way ?
everyone is special to us in our own way?

A million miles traveld with me ,and this old girl

2008-11-30T19:53:00.000-08:00

This was patsy my very first riding horse' she wasent very big ,but this old girl had a heart like no other ,and she took me so many place's I had her for over five years ,and in that five years she became a big part of my family ,and back in 2006 I gave her to my best friend kari's little girl for her very first poney. That little mare was so good with that baby ,and she love'd her so much, and she took my friends baby all over ,and thought her how to ride, just as she did me all them years ago.
Patsy died this year back in september she truly was my first love ,and my first best friend ,and i know that the last three years of her life whear happy ,and that she was love'd by one little girl just as much as i loved her when she was mine.

for momma

one little girl's dream come true
a mother's prears anwserd
a million miles trvaled together
a million scerets shared between one little girl ,and her pony
a million memorys to cahirsh for a lifetime
one love that was connected through the heart's of a child ,and a horse
the sweetist little mare that i have ever seen in my life.
though smail she had such a great big heart ,and cared so much about that baby ,and alway took care of her when they was out riding .

patsy was a really good one she will always remain in our heart's ,and will never be replaced she truely was one of a kind , and I will miss her so much I already do ,and only hope that she know's how special she was to all of us. she was not' just a poney she was family to me ,and to my friend she was the best friend that i ever had.

so goodbye my sweetheart i will always carry your memry with me in my heart whereever i may go i will never forget you . and in my heart you will never be replace'd thank you my beautyfal girl for takeing care of me ,and so many other's in your time here on earth i truely belileve that you was an angel sent down from haven to help so many children learn how to ride, and i know that now your taking the long earnd vaction that you need'd for so long ,and that you happy ,and your no longer in pain.

In loving meimry or Patsy
9/4/2008
she was 38 years old.

I love this one to

2008-11-30T19:50:00.000-08:00

If I could I would have the wall's in my living room painted to look just like this pic because i love it so much it make's me feel free when ever i look at it .

my euky

2008-11-30T19:46:00.000-08:00

this is of my uncle he died back in 1998 ,and i stile miss him each and every day that goes by i was very close to him . when i was stile a baby the very first word's out of my mouth was unky dady to my uncle . he was like my father the only one that really ever came close I miss him so much.

Me on my way to the dance with my friend's

2008-11-30T19:38:00.001-08:00

This pic was taken in michigein by one of friend's that way trying to get on my bad side because i told her not' to take this pic ,but she did anyway even though she know's i hate having my photo taken.

At this point though i was already on my way to the main hall for the finale dance ,and yeah I'm even smiling in this one thats not' very offten it must have been the yellow rose that my escort bought for me lol

this one i really love

2008-11-30T19:34:00.001-08:00

I love this one because to me it show's the true love of a horse,and rider just when i look at this photo i am wishing that i was this rider . I would love to be back in the time's when horse's where all that people need'd to get around ,and go back to the old country sene.

photo's of the life that i love .

2008-11-30T19:29:00.001-08:00

I love theese pic's their some of my favrets

me in my country mood

2008-11-30T19:26:00.001-08:00

yeah I was feeling just a little bit country lol.
no just kidding I really don't know what i was thinking when i took this photo I really don't I must have been really bord.

Cowgirls don't cry we survive

2008-11-28T22:54:00.000-08:00

over the highist mountins we will ride
through the deepist sea's we will sweim
across the longist fild we will run with the wind
to the top of the tallist tree we will clam
to the buttom of the deepist cayion we will fall
but at the end of everyday we will always stand forever in unity one for all.

you can hurt us
you can even brake us ,but you will never own us
you can have us ,and you can lose us ,but you will never get us back
you can hit us ,but we will hit you
you can reack us ,but we will stile stand tall one for all.

this is just my way of saying that to me the way i see it is that cowgirls do cry sometime's ,but we always get back up ,pick up ,and yes we always move on.

outside looking in

2008-11-28T22:45:00.000-08:00

as i stand here i feel as though i am looking at the life that i once new that can nomore be because i am now yet once again standing outside looking in.
through the window i can see you standing there with the one that you chouse over me ,and i can do nothing about it because once again i am standing outside looking in. through the shadow's of my mind i can stile here your voice calling out to me ,but i can not reach you for i am only standing outside looking in. I remember how many time's that i tryied to help you through ,and the times that i told you i loved you ,but yet I stile couldent reach you for i was only standing outside looking in. In your eye's i would never be the person that you wanted ,and for that reason is why i have always been here ,but have always been left standing outside looking in.

Letting go .

2008-11-28T22:34:00.000-08:00

was the that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with
was the that i loved more then life its self
was the that i fought so long for
was the that i gave my whole heart to for so many years
was the that i gave my trust to
was the that i would have gave my own life for.
was the that i gave everything up for
was the that i treated like a king
was the that i beged not' to leave
was the that i longed for everynight
was the that i torw me apart inside
was the that dient love me
was the taht used me for over three years
was the that finally broke my heart for the last time today.

just some pic's that i enjoy looking at .

2008-11-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

the part of me that no one has ever seen untile now.

2008-11-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

things that people have never known about me just to list a few.

1. I am a free spirit

2.I am very restless.

3. I am very Paseint

4. I am very Unpredictable.

5. I am very calm.

6. I am very shy at time's.

7. I am very free worded.

starting over again.

2008-11-28T18:24:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been some time sense my last post ,and even i don't really know where to begain on that part?????

I have been trying for so long to find the words to write to try ,and start writing again ,but untile today the words have been lost to me. so this next post will be one that i havent tryed writing before ,and is one that may be just a little bite rough because i havent done this is so long. but last night i had someone tell me that i should keep writing no matter what this messed up life throw's at me so here I go again.

I'm finally back for good

2007-09-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

it has been so long sense i could come up with something to say there for the longist time i could not' write about anything. but the good news is that sometime last week the real hope came back i don't even know where i was hiding ,but i'm back now ,and am so happy i love this life that i'm living the people that i have around me ,and my blogging family so much . so everyone thats been reading my blog this one is for you its all new so i hope that you enjoy it.

comming home "

I was lost for so long ,and now i have found my way back home this time i think that i will stay for good because , now that i can see everything that i have right here in front of me i don't want to ever leave this beautyfull life that i'm living ever again. i am me and me is back thats the best part of my life i can see now that i have not' been here for the people that i love as i shold have been ,but thats not' going to happen ever again because i'm here now ,and i'm not' going anywhere again i love being back to my true self ,and i can see now that there is so much that i must catch up on i have lost so many things in the pest two years ,but i know now that what don't kill you only makes you stronger ,and now i plan on living this life each day at a time ,and just being happy with the one's that i love most the one's that have always been here the people that have never left my side you all are the reason that i came back ,and the reason that i'm so happy now because, you have opend my eye's and now i can see that no matter how baad things in this life may get everything will be alright ,and that i don't have to hide myself from the wrold anymore thats what i have been doing for some time now is hiding from everyone ,and everything ,but i will not' hide no more as i am now ,and forever truly FREE SPIRIT the one that will never give up again not' on love ,friends ,family or life I'm free to be me again and that feels great thanks everyone for makng me hang in there i could not' have mead this jurnery without any of you thank you so much

love free spirit la.

I'm being set free once ,and for all

2007-07-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

i know that it has been so long sense my last post ,and that most of you have already taken me off your friends list ,but i am kinda just writing this because i need to let everything out before i lose my mind ,and go insane over the hell that i have been through in the past three weeeks or so ,and i also know that no one really wants to here about it ,but as i said i must write now before its to late ,and i do something that i will end up regrting with my won life.my life in the last two weeks has been nothing ,but pure hell the one person that i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with brock my heart in a way that even i am unable to explane at this poimt ? I am letting him go setting him free from the laif that i once wanted because i have found out that this is just not ' going to work for me i can not' handel being locked up traped or confined thats why i am moving on with my life its not'
because i don't love him anymore i will always love him ,but its easer for me to let him go instade of watching my self being tore down time ,and time again the way that it has been going though out the past year ?I have found someone elas ,but at this point am stille very ify about love because i don't want to be hurt that way again ,and am scared because this man is everuythig that i have ever dreamed about as a life long partner ,but not' really sure how to take all this comming at me at once? I am confuesed right now i had a job at mcdonalds ,but just quit today because the stress that i am undetr riht now is just about to couse me to have a mintal breack down ,and can't handel that i need to fill free ,and i do right now ,but also feel like a LOSSER BECAUSE I HAVE NO job as of today and need another one really soon ,but don't have the heart to tell my mother or grandmother because i don't want them to look at me as a felluer the way that everyone elas looks at me . if i am loosing anyone don't worry about it because right now i don't even know what i'm saying or why at this point right now i am in my whon little world hiding from the rest of the wrold ,and don't really want to come out in to the bright light just want to stay heded forever ,and never come back .

my last words of thought for the week are

life is what you make it to be ,and only you have the power to change what happens in your lifetime. It is only then that we can see the road in witch life has instore for us because, we our selfs as people are blinded by something more then light or darkness we are all at one point in our lives or another blinded by our self's ,and the only thing that can save us when we reach that point in our life is the lord I know i never write much about that at all ,but today i need to say that i thank god each ,and every day for helping me throug this life that without him standing by my side i could not' go on living a nother day.

hopoe laire

why does everyone think that i'm a childl ????

2007-06-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

its seems to be that here latly everyone around me thinks that i am just this dumb person that doesent know anything about nothing ? I try telling people what i think about things that happen around here ,but they all act like i'm this dumb ass person that is 100% full of shit with nothing to show fro the things that i know ,and the things that i have done within my own life . I know so much more then these people think i do ,and yet when i damm cop sides with yet they still think that i'm over reacting about things well from now on i have just desided to be this person that does not' talk speek or say a damm word about anything to anyone anymore. the reason being I will try and explane a littel bet later alright.

i'm back its been a hard day

2007-05-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

well i'm back now ,but i am also in pain from the car reack that i had around two pm today i am fine ,but have a bad case of wipe lash ,and one brussed lung ,and a brussed rib ,but other then that i'm still alive and kiking . even though I am having trublle breathing and my neck ,and rib hurts like grrrrr grrrr it would take more then that to get read of me .

words of the day from free spirit hope

2007-02-28T11:03:00.000-08:00

never let a singal day go buy without telling the people in your life just how very much that you love because,if you don't you never know when that could be the very last day that you ever spend with them.

love life as if you had nothing bad going on in your life just be happy that you are alive each ,and every day for the rest of your life.

help others when ever you get the chance even if you don't feel like it things will always trun out better in the end because , we never really know how the most littleist things can change some one elases life when we help them.

forgive the ones that have hurt you ,and let you down and let them know that you are still there if they need you to get through a hard time in their life.

never take the people that you love forgranted for one day they will not' be here ,and you will loes the time that you could have spent with them when you are takeing them forgranted .

well this is the words of the day from me i done these because i know that even i have broken these a few times manly the last one i had to learn that one the hard way this words that i have writen are words that i good friend of mine told me the day before he deid ,and today is the two year anoversay of his death ,and i thought that i would post these in his huner today so i hop thzat you like them i am now going to take a trip to the simatary where my friend is berred to say goodbye and then i am going to come back home .and work on my fince take care everyone have a great day .

into the night "

2007-02-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

as she road into the night she could see the stars in the night sky shining so bright. she then looked over to see that the moon was racing right by her side. as she keeped riding she could here the wind starting to wisper to here floow me if you want to be free. she keeped on riding into the dark cold night as the stars where her guid with the bule moon by her side ,and running with the wind she looked up ,and said what a great night to ride . just then she stoped and said i will run no more for i have to rest before i head off to find my next sun set with that she then went back to the wrold that she had left behind for just one night as she set underneth the midnight sky. she let everything go into the night as she road with the wind just so that she could say i'm alright now i have had my last ride the last time that i will ever run away now its time for me to head back home before the bule midnight moon starts to fad this is my night this is my dream ,and now its time for me to say goodnight to this beatufull midnight sky where the stars are always shining so bright above me in this midnight sky with the moon by my side ,and the wind racing me saying faster faster i can see the light at the end of the road so hold on ,and keep your head up for there will be another night to have such a great ride.

ok that was one of the newist ones that i wrote ,and i really don't know why i wrote this one but i feel really good about it i think that it does kinda fet me good ? well i'm off now to work on something new so that i will have stuff to post later on this week .b

for my bloging family

2007-02-17T12:21:00.000-08:00

i would just like to say thanks to all of you for all the support ,and inperation that you all have gaven me through out this whole ordeal ,and wanted to let you all know that i am doing much better i have gotten the whole thing almost worked out ,and it has really helped me knowing that you all have been here for me i still have a long way to go in this dark road ,but its getting better knowing that there are so many people in this wrold that do care about me this much. i am going to start posting more about the good thigs in life instad of bad this way i know that i can at lest help others as i am being helped along the way this really means the wrold to me knowing that i am not' alone in this wrold ,and knowing that i stil have people that care all around me ,and i will post an update onece in a while ,but for this week i'm just going to post the good things that happen in my life ok.
thank you all so much for standing by my side you all give me a reason to keep on writing just when i say that i'm ready to give up i see a comment that someone leaves me ,and it makes me see that if i give up then there want be anymore hope the hope that has always been the free spirit running horse ,and i know that i can't give up on that no matter what i can see now that i just can't give up on the things ,and the people that i love .

thanks family
from hope the shadow walker /running horse -free spirit la.

with love hope

some words for thought from free spirit .hope

2007-02-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

live each and every day as it comes to you . live and let live as if you never had any chouse about what this life has instore for you. make each and every minent that you spend with your loved one's last for a life time without ever haveing any regrats about what you should have done in life . give unto others the memoreys that you hold most dear ,and true let them always know that you will be there for them each ,and every day no matter what kind of mood that your in. give unto others without ever asking for anything in retrune.

these are the wrods of the day by me I have found all this out the very hard way in this past few weeks so I have desided to make this one of my main posts starting today each saterday i am going to post a WORDS OF THOUGHT POST IN my blog so that i will be able to look back on each ,and everything that i have ever writen for my self ,and for the people that i love so much in my life.

i hope that this don't bore anyone to bad ,but its what i felt like had to write today because when i write things like this i feel so much better insend then when i post about the bad things that are going on in my life.

here goes a new one for you all to see just now got back in to the writing wrold again.

2007-02-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

she has spent her whole life waiting on something to come along ,but was never really sure what it it was that she was waiting for? One day in a walmart parking lot she finds what it is that she has been searching for her entire life. she looks over at the white dodge that drives up to her car ,and as she waits for the driver to step out from behind the will she then stops ,and think's to herself could this be what i have been waiting for for so long now? as the driver steps out of the truck she lets her eye's met his eyes she then shacks his hand ,and try's to see what this man is mead of as she just stands there she soon realzes that this is the only time that she has ever been this happy ,and as she waits for the right time she then says to herself this is the man that i am going to spend the rest of my life with. she spent all night with the kind man just talking z,and loughfing as she had never been so happy in her whole life ,and as the evning fads away in to the bright sunset the man asked her do you wish to ever see me again? z,she then tells him yes for the rest of my life because i am not going to let you get away for it has taken me so long to find you . as then parted that night all she could think about on the way home was that for once in her life she could now be as free as she was to be after searching her whole life for this person she never thought that she would find him in a walmart parking lot at 6.45 pm on may the 2oth 2oo6 . this one of the only dazys that she will forever remember for as long as she lives the very day that she met the love of her life.

A lot of you may not' know this about me but this is just the main part of the story behind how i met my main man ,and i thought that it would be fun to post this to think what the rest of the wrold thought about this short story? well i'm off now to post an update for you all.

mother in law to be from hell

2007-02-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

I have been setting here all alone for the past week while my boyfriend desided to stay with his mom for this week ,and now sense his mom ant that crazy about me here latly she want let him call me ,or even emil me because she wants him all to her self ,and I know that she is his mother ,but at the same time you know I am the person that he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with ,and its like now she can't stand the fact that he loves me ,and that hes happy with me I just don't understand people anymore I really don't ? I am not' meaning to be a b**** but its hard for me right now because all I do is love the people that I love ,and thats it ,but she has to be acting like I killed someone or something ,and all I did was love her son like on one elas had ever loved him.

Seeing a part of you that you never knew you had ?

2007-02-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

This past few weeks I have had many long nights of thinking about what my life will be in about five years ? And all that i have seen so far is that more then likly i will still be living with my family ,and I had plans on being merried by then ,but guess thats not' going to happen eather ? Oh well Its' time that i find the real me that liy's beneth this fleash ,and its time for me to come back to the way that i am meant to be I think that i just need to find a way to make everything thats bothering me just go away far away ,and the sad thing is that i'm not' sure how to do that ? This is the first time that i am going to atmet this here or anywhere elas ,and that is that for once in my life i don't know what i'm going to do I don't know how I'm going to contenue makeing it around here with out a job that i so badly need ,and if i don't find a job within the next two weeks well then i will be in jail ,and then there want be any need for a job so I just don't know what to do anymore ? I would never say this to anyone ,but I 'm afread right now I'm so sceard I don't want to go jail ,but I know that It would be hard ,but at the same time i know that i could make it through ,but right now i'm not' sure about I'm going to do I'm so lost ,and feel like such a bad person because I was being so stupid ,and now i have this big mess that i have to clean up ,and i have told everyone that i must do this on my own ,but I'm not' doing this on my own I'm falling apart thats the truth I'm doing nothing right now but starting to fall apart ,and why because I don't feel that i was making the right chouses in my life there for just a sec I got stupid ,and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life ,but I dident do anything to anyone I was just trying to help the ones that i love ,and now i have to pay the price for that .I think thats about eungf of my things for today I will try ,and post a more happy thought tomorow sometime ,and try to find the words to write some new poetry if i can do that I have not' been able to write for some time now thast why I have ot' been posting that much ,but i am going to try ,and make that up to you all if i can thanks you everone for comming back to my site ,and I will be making the rounds as soon as I can NOTE to Annalessa I can not' leave comments on your site I don't know why ,but I can't I have been over there all week ,and still can't leave any so If you don't see my comment its' because I' can't leave then ok. I hope that you all have a nice day ,and i will see yuo all tomorow .

thoughts about my last post .

2007-01-25T11:48:00.000-08:00

I know that most people may think that because all this has come up that I'm a bod person ,but I wanted to say that I'm not' I only cahsed that check ,and started working with the company that sent it to me because I needed the money really bad ,and there was some things that I needed to take care of . I was only trying to get ahead on some bils ,but I can see now that instade of getting ahed I got scroed over big time ,and I kike myself now for being so damm stupid about everything . I wish now that i hadent of cahsed that check ,but at the same time I needed the money ,and thats where I messed up big time I wasent thinking about anything ,and now I have to fix this because its my mestace ,and only mine its up to me now to do what I can to get myself out of this . I know that I only have two options right now 1 is pay it all back in payments or 2 just go to jail for around 5 years ,but I will do one of the two because I will not' run I have learnd that running from your prublums just makes it worse on you so I am going to just think about what I can do about this for now.
I do hope that no one thinks I'm a bad perosn because I'm really not' I just wanted to help my family out with somethings thats all.

I'm still here for a while anyway?

2007-01-24T18:55:00.000-08:00

well I'm back but I know that its been a long time sense I last posted ,and thats because there has been so many things going on around here ,and I am yet once again looking for work ? yeah I know it really sucks because I really did like the job its self ,but standing up starght for 8 hours a day was killing me so bad. I have had so maythings going on this past few weeks ,and most of it I can't say on here ,but I may not' able to blog for a while if I don't come up with at lest $4,000 dollars within the next 30 days I will be in jail ,and no I did not' kill anyone or stil anything I chashed a check that was sent to me through the us mail ,and I cashed it ,and then found out today that that check bounsed like a rubber boll ,and so now I have to pay all that money back ,and I don't have a job anymore I don't have any money so if yall don't see me around then you will know where I am ok. well anyway thats just about all thats been going on here other then the fact that I have had some people teartoing to kill me ,but thats just about everything that I have been dealing with I hope that you all are having a great week ,and I will post later on this week if i can .
hope

I'm back in the working game now

2007-01-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

well starting tomorow morning I am going back to work so if ya'll don't see me around for the week you will know that I'm working hard all week long lol
I will still be posting though ,but it my only be on the weekends though sense I'm going to be working on 2nd shift five days a week now. anyway I hope that all ya'll are doing well I have to get ready for work in the morning so I will post about it later on this week to let you all know how its going .

I'm back for a while now.

2006-12-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone sorry that I have not' been around latly ,but was out of town for X mas I hope that you all had a great one mine was great it was better then I could have asked for. I spent christmas with my boyfriends family ,and my own so it was really hacktic ,but a lot of fun. I hope that you all had a great one as well I am getting ready for this new year ,and was thinking about posting just a few of my reaolshon's for the big year of 2007 thats comming so soon. I can't belilve that its al ready here I was just now getting use to writing 2006 on everything lol.
anyway here I go again.

1 I hope to find a job

2 I hope to be able to spend more time with the people that I love .

3. I am hoping to work on my addotide thrd's other people like the ones that I don't really like being around ???????

4.I hope to be back in college by this comming spring or summer????

5. what I mostly want out of this new year is to be happy ,and live life to its' fullist that it can be ,and this one is also what I want for all of you as well so have a great save ,and happy new year with love hope.

My Home town "

2006-12-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

I just thought that I would post a little something about my home town for ya'll today I was thinking about how I have posted about me ,family ,friend's ,my horses ,my life ,but I started thinking about posting about where my life all begain.
my life begain back on november the 10th 1986 in this very house that I am living in now. I was born in this house ,and so far no matter where I go I will alway's call this home . This town that I live in only has about 200 people living in it ,and the nerist walmart is almost an hour away so I live out in the middle of no where. There are only two stor's in the town of concord ,and nothing to do for fun ,but go riding on the horses ,or walking . The was once a dinner here ,and it had a pool table ,but they got rad of that so now there is nothing to do at all in concord. I have lived here in this same town now for 20 years ,and still nothing has ever changed. There is only one thing about this town that will never change ,and that is that every one know's everything about everyone ,and everything that goes on around this town. That can be a good thing ,and it can also be a bad thing because in a town like this one you alway's have to watch your back sense everyone know's what your doing all the time that's the part that really suck's about living here? I have learnd the very hard way that you can't ever trust the people in this town that say they are your friend's because they only want to help you when its' good for them ,and then when they don't need you in their life's anymore they will trun on you like a pit bull ,but thats just how I see it . Ok I'm dune bitching now have a great day everyone

"The Road"

2006-12-11T19:15:00.000-08:00

The road was long ,and hard but it was a road that she knew she had to travel in order to have the life that she wanted.She alway's wondered what it would be like to have all the thing's that she had only seen in her derams, and if she would ever get the chance to reach out , and be something more then she was. She had a life already ,but she wanted to become more ,and she wanted to be somewhere elase she wanted to travel the wrold ,and go to all the place's that she had read about in book's.She alway's wanted to go to spain , Italy ,and all the other place's that she had heard about. She knew that this road was going to be very long ,and hard but she also knew that she would have to travel this road inorder to ever do all the thing's that she had only seen in her dream's.

~RUNNING HORSE~

The reason that I wrote this is to try ,and ecsplane how I see the thing's that I have done throughout my life ,and to try show other's that even if sometime's we may all have to make that chous at some pont in our live's or another , as I have done this myself I know how hard it can sometime's be Thats all I was trying to say does this make any sense to anyone ?

Thanking back to when I first started blogging ?

2006-12-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

As I set here tonight ,and think about the very first post that I ever did I can't help ,but also think about the fact that I only had one person ,that came to my blog every day ,and that was kari ,but now I have so many of ya'll so many more then I ever would have thought. so I would just like to deadacte this post to all of you who come here every day ,and read my work ,and give me a reason to go on posting thank you all for comming by . When I had been a blogger for only a munth or so I was going to quit blogging ,but then you all come out nowhere so I just wanted to say thank you all for letting me know that I do have a good reason to keep on posting . I really want to say thank's to Kari for being the very first one to come over so this is to you kari I miss you ,and hope to see you back here in blogger land really soon my friend.

its' a pic that I twicked one day

2006-12-10T21:39:00.000-08:00

This photo I took last summer ,and I got really bord one day so I mead just a few ajotment's to it ,but I like the way that it truned out .

This pic I Think really say's it all for everyone in the world.

2006-12-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

ok I'm listing five song's that I like that are all new

2006-12-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

1. I love you more ,but don't know who sing's it its' a country song?

2.lips' fo an angel by hender.

3.smack that by akon

4.we even lost super man by kenny rogger's

5.Chan hang low by the jibb's

ok that all the new song's that I have heard when I was sick so I thought that I would post about them .

OK I'm back now

2006-12-09T09:24:00.000-08:00

I am doing so much better ,and am ready to get back to posting again .
It feel's good to be well again ,and be able to go hunting this afternoon I hope that I get that buck tonight so wish me luck ,and keep your finger's crossed ok.

"Life Goes On"

2006-12-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Life goes on sometim's wether we want it to or not' we can say that we wish we could go back in time ,and change thing's ,but we can't because life goes on. We can say how much we don't like letting go of thing's in life ,and that we wish our loved one's could still be here with us ,but we have to understand that life goes on. We may never understand when or why something in our live's is going to change ,and we may not ' want to see these thing happen ,but life does go on ,and we must all just take each ,and every day as it come's and be the happeist that we can be because life is much to short to be wast by alway's wondering why so many thing's have happend to us . Life goes on ,and so must we even if at times that is so hard to do we must go on liveing because its' what god want's us to do all we have to do is just take his hand ,and he will pull us through our bad time's . As life goes on so must we its' what we are ment to do.

Running Horse

I'm going to take a breack from posting untile monday

2006-12-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

I AM feeling some better ,but I am just still not' feeling that great so I AM GOING to be in bed untile monday . I dident even get up today untile 3.pm I was up all night coughing ,and dident get much sleep. So I am going to eat me a nice big pot of soop ,and drink me some orong joic ,and hope that will help get better I think that I must have cought the bug thats going aroung or something I have been sick sense sunday ,but anyway I will be back on monday I am posting one new thing now ,and then will start posting again on monday so I hope you all have a great weekend ,and take care .

Here is another song that I really like

2006-12-06T15:05:00.000-08:00

This song is called ONLY TIME "

Who can say where the road goes when the day flows only time.
who can say if your love grows as your heart chose only time.
Who can say why your sighs as your love flies only time , and who can say why your heart cries when your love lies only time.
Who can say where the roads meet that love might be in your heart , and who can say when the day sleep's if the night keeps all your heart night keep's all your heart that can if your love grows as your heart chose only time.
And who can say where the road goes where the day flows only time
Who can say only time
Who can say only time.

this song is by ENYA
I love this song because I feel that it is like a part of me because I am alway's the one to say that time has a way for everything ,and that there is a time for everything so in a way I can coneact myself with this song if that make's any sense at all.

alright its' my trune again lol

2006-12-06T10:59:00.000-08:00

Last night before I went to bed I tagged Barngodess Rachial ,and Marty then Rachal Tagged me back with my own tagg today so here I go this is my list of 8 thing's that are my most favret memorys so here I go.

1. when I was 5 years old my Uncal would come down he was a mecanic ,and I would always be out helping him under the car. I was alway's spending time with him because he was like a father to me I miss him so much this is a thought that I have thought about in year's.

2.when I was seven my dad ,and oldist sister came up ,and I got' to see my dad that was only the thired time that I had ever seen him ,and he died just one munth after he was up visiting me I will always charish that memory for as long as I live.

3. The day that I killed my very first deer was on X(mas) day back in 2004 I was so happy not' only because I got one ,but because I mead a 162 yard shot I was so proud of my self that day.

4. when I was 15 I got to see CHer in conceart ,and I was only 2 row's from the stage that was so cool I will never forget that day I had so much fun .

5. when I was about 14 ,and I road a horse for the very first time ,and I was so happy to know that I could do it ,and not' fall off lol

6. The day that my sister got merried I will forever faver this one because that was the only time that me ,and her really talked about each other ,and even though that I don't like pink I was so happy that I was envolved in the wedding that ment more to me then she will ever know.

7.One day while I was in school a guy boght me a 15lb hershise kisses ,and asked me to be his valintine now how coudl I have said no that was a very big pice of chaclet for me ,and that was so sweet of him ,but in the end we are still very good friend's to this day.

8.alright last but not' lest my most favret one of all is the day that my Colt was born Angel was born on my father's birthday ,and people say that I'm crazy ,but I belilve that my dad sent here to me letting me know that every thing will be alright . Ok thats my list of eight now I'm not' going to tagged anyone elase with this one ,but maybe later on I will come up with a good one for ya'll .

I am Tagging ?

2006-12-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

I am tagging

Barngoduess
Marty
Rachil

so if your name is on this list have fun .........

I just thought that before I go off to bed that I would tagged some of yall'

2006-12-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

ok I have never tagged anyone ,but I'm the one tagging now so I want ya'll to make a list of 8 thing's that you would conseder to be some of your most favret memory's ,and then you get to tagged who ever you want ,but if you don't want to tagg anyone that's ok to. to thouse of you that I am tagging I'm comming for you right now have fun this may not' be the best tagg that you have ever seen ,but its' also My first one so have fun ,and here I come.

My Baby Girl

2006-12-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

This is Sophia's moon light Angel
she was born on march the 7th the same day as my father's birthday so that's why I call her angel because I belilve that she was sent to me from my father.

The Cloud's after a bad storm.

2006-12-05T19:14:00.000-08:00

I took this one when I was going hunting last year ,but I never mead out deer hunting because I was cought staring at these cloud's for about an hour.

here's some more pic's to look at that I took

2006-12-05T19:06:00.000-08:00

hey everyone sense I am not' feeling to well I just thought that I would post some photo's for now sense I don't feel like writing any poetry tonight I'm just going to let you all look at the pic's that I have taken this year ok . When I feel like it I will start posting poetry again ,but untile then here is my pic's for the day.

I have been tagged BY Barngoddess so here I go.

2006-12-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

Barndoddess tagged me with 6 thing's that are wired about me like her I also have a long list of thing's that most people conseder to be wired of me ,but I will post the one's that even I find wired ok.

1. I love Smaling of freash deer blood after I kille one.

2. I talk to my self a lot when I'm buliding something ,but this only happen's when I 'm working with wood don't know why?

3. I love getting greas on my hand's ,and elboe's from working underneth the truck.

4.I like eating Carker's ,and Icecream together .

5. I am afread of stuffed deer head's on the wall ,but yet I can hunt I know that's a wired even I think so .

6. When I get up in the morning the first thing that I do is tell people not' to talk to me untile I deside if I want to be in a good mood or not' then thats if I have my Mouten dew first thing in the morning. I'm so not' a morning person ,but more of the night life tyip that's all.

well I mead it through thank god I was about to worry there for a sec ,but I mead it that was really fun now I'm going go off to town ,and do some shoping .

This is what A true Friend is "

2006-12-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

I have been reading ,and seeing a lot of thing's this past week ,and I have been doing a lot of thinking about this ,and what I have desided is that there are not' very many people left out there that you can call your friend as I thought about this I desided to post what I think a real friend should be ? I belilve that a person can have friend's ,best friend's but you really only have friend's if there true friend's ,and that is something that is still out there ,but finding them is so hard these day's? To me the way that I see it is that a friend will be there sometime's for you ,but A real true friend will alway's be there for you when you need them the most .Have any of you ever heard that new country song that is call YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIEND'S ARE ?? I love that song it is so true ,and strat to the pont. I have learnd the hard way that some people are there only when it's for their beonfet only ,and then there is the one's that are alway's there no matter what I have been blessed as far as that goes' I have found many friend's that are true one's ,but also the one's that where only there because they wanted something from me . so I f there is one thing that I can say to make sense out of what I have said it is this . You find out who your true friend's are ,and when you find people that are like this you need to hold on to them because that Is something that is getting harder ,and harder to find these day's . I have also been seeing where many people have been hurting other's on there own blog's ,and other thing's I am not' one of thouse people I only try to help other's ,and never once have I ever saked anything in retruen from anyone that I have ever met before. I mind my own bisunss ,and wish that other people could sometime's do the same I keep my openoun to my self most of the time so that no one's feeling's ever get hurt ,and so that everyone goe's home happy anyway I just wanted to post something , but I don't know really why I posted this I guess maybe because I wanted you all to know what kind of person that I am on the inside I am alway's the way that I am ,and some people may not' like that but I am who I am ,and every one elase is who they are so why can't everyone just get along is what I would like to know ??
Ok I'm done about that for good now I just had to get this off my chist have a great day everyone.

Sense its' almost Cristmoese I would post about family so here I go

2006-12-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

This was also taken at my sister's wedding this is one of my most favret one's because it has all of us girl's in it . On left my oldist sister Debbie next to here My little shadow my nece then the beatyfull bride my sister whitney ,and then you guessed it me ,and then our couen Brook . But as you all may know I hate pink really hate it ,but this was what my sister mead me where sense I was the mead of hounr ack??lol This is the only time that anyone has ever seen me in pink because I don't like this cololr at all ,but then again don't know why either? The really funny thing is that all of us that are in this photo are more the camo tipe people not' the dress wareing tipe lol ,but on very specill day's you might see me all dressted up ha ha but don't hold your breath for to long only when we have to lol.

More photo's I have nothing to do so I 'm blogging all day long?

2006-12-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel this year about hunting you set ,and you wait but you never see anything untile you trun your head? I had an 8 pont that came right up lastnight about 20 yard's right in front' of me ,but when I coked my gun he took off only leaving me the sight of his big white tell waving goodbye. That is alright though because boe season is still open untile feb, and I will get him then maybe I hope so anyway I have been watching this deer for about 2year's now ,and its' time to brang him in I think .

It's another one of my pic's that was taken lastyear in decmber.

2006-12-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

This is red this photo was taken last wenter around december I love this one because I got the snow in the pic as it was falling down from the sky.

I got this thing to working right again thank god now I can post my pic's again.

2006-12-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

This is My nece Danyeal
This photo was taken at my sister's wedding back in arpil of this year. don't she look quti she was the gust book keeper ,and the right hand person that was helping me with the decoration's for the wedding. This child never seese to amaze me she was born way before her time I think even though she is only 8 she act's more like she is my age lol well anyway I thought that I would just share this with you ,and let you all see a part of my life that I always talk about ,but never show ya'll so I hope that you like this.

bloger is being an asswhole today

2006-12-04T00:07:00.000-08:00

this blogger is not' working for anything it took away the add photo for the post thing, and now I can't post photos anymore I don't know what to do either about this ?? can anyone help me fix this thing ???

for james lee the love of my life

2006-12-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

Everything To Lose This I say Unto You
I have most everything to lose ,but when I look at you I can see that everything that I will lose is farily brand new. Everything that I have to give unto you is the one thing that I hold forever dear ,and true my heart is what I wish to give unto you. I wish to give unto you the gift of my love ,and trust for that one day you will be able to see that this of witch I say unto you is very true. I wish to give unto you my body ,soul mind ,and spirit for this I say unto you is most dear ,and true . I wish to give unto you my hand to guid you through this dark time in the road one of witch I say unto you is most dear ,and true. I wish to give unto you my word of Loyalty that is of all most Greatness that I wish for you to me in ,and help you when you feeling bule this I say unto you is most dear ,and true. I wish to give unto you the day of nothing ,but light and good this I say unto you is my one wish to you for you to be happy ,and free and to live a long ,and happy life and all this that I say unto you is what I hold most dear ,and true you are what I hold most dear ,and true its' because you are the love of my life that this I say unto you is most dear ,and true.

I wrote this for the only man that I could ever love ,and I know that it might sound a little bit more loveign then anything that I have ever posted before but just bear with me pleas.

Part of the song liric's to my all time favret song.

2006-11-30T23:57:00.000-08:00

I was walking home from school on a cold wenterts day I took a short cut through the woods ,and lost my way it was getting late I was scard ,and alone but then a kind old man took my hand ,and led me home oh momma couldent see him oh ,but he was standing there I knew in my heart he was the anwser to my prare 's
Oh I belilve there are angels amoge us sent down to us from somewhere up above they come to you ,and me in our darkist hour's to show us how live teach us how to give to gide us with the light of love.

this is my oldist ,but most favret song ever because I do belilve that there are angels that walk right here on earth beside us at all time's throughout our live's.

its' a brand new one for ya'll. I'm nervas

2006-11-30T23:27:00.000-08:00

NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN THING'S.
Never stop believing in life.
Never stop believing in love
Never stop believing in trust
Never stop believing in truth
Never stop believing in freedumb
Never stop believing in fath
Never stop believing in houosty
Never stop believing in family
Never stop believing in friend's
Never stop believing in the one that you love most
Never stop believing in yourself
Never stop believing in God
If we all stoped believing in this thing's where would we be?
The two most Imporotont thing's to always believ in are god ,and yourself
Believ in god for if it was not' for him you would not' be able to belilve in youself or anything elase on this list ? if we did stop beliving in these thing's we would not' have a reason to live anymore I belive in all these thing's very much so .
I belive in thing's that I can and can not' see but manly I belilve in god for giving me all other thing's in this life that I have ,and for life its' self I thnk him ,and only him for always being here by my side the way that he has been throughout my whole life.

I wrote this one when I was in New Yark City setting by the rall road trak's I hope that ya'll like it ,and that it don't bore you to much.

"I AM WHO I AM "

2006-11-29T23:50:00.000-08:00

I am who I am ,and I know that latly I have not' been my self ,but I'm starting to get back the old me . I am ready to start doing all the thing's that I love most in this world ,riding my horses,writing,singing ,dancing ,and what ever elase that I want to do because, I have just now remembered that I had forgot about my self ,and the thing's that I love for to long. now its' time for me to be me again ,and that's what I'm going to do because I know who I am ,and from now on if people don't like that then they don't have to stick around because I'm not' going to change the real me I am happy just the way that I am ,and thats' being the kind hearted loving careing person that I am ,and will alway's be for as long as I live . Have a blasting great weekend everyone I'm going deer hunting for the rest of the week I need that ya I ant done that in a very long time now ,and its' time that the old me come's back out.
Have a great day.

"The Part of me That Liy's Beneth"

2006-11-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

The Real me is a some what kind sweet harted person that will halp just about anyone that is in need. I would gladly give someone the shert off my own back even if that ment me frzzing to death. I would give my own life to save the life of a child or a person that I love. I am that person that is driving down the road ,and see's a car rack ,and stops to help the people that are in side of that car still.
When people ask me what kind of person that I am I mostly tell them that I'm very cold hearted ,but that really ant true In fact I'm right the oppsit I guess I don't like seeing people get hurt ,and I don't like hurting other people's feeling's eather . well that's all I'm posting about that
I can't belelve that I posted this well maybe you all want' make to much fun of me for this one.

Rolling "

2006-11-26T23:20:00.000-08:00

Rolling down the road we are alway's rolling we never stop ,and never once get to rest when we are rolling down the long dark road in the truck.

Rolling once we start we don't stop from sun up tile sun down we go ,and go alway's saying go faster go faster I can't stand sitting still we must keep on rolling so that I don't loes my mind. As I keep on rolling donw the road I can't help but look at all the thing's in this world that I'm missing by just rolling by them ,and never once stoping to see the real beauty that liy's inside . Maybe one day I can stop running ,and rolling down all these dark long ,and cold road's?

Running Horse'

Thanksgiving from hell""

2006-11-26T23:10:00.000-08:00

I spent my thanksgiving stranded out in oklahoma on the truck because my boyfriend's boss is the ass whole from hell. I cryed all day that day because, my grandmother was crying because I was not' here for thanksgiving with them. I feel so lost right now ,and not' really sure what to do with myself ??? Right now I just want to crall up in a cold dark whole ,and stay there for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry yall I 'm just not' my self right now ,but I'm going to post some new poetry now so maybe I will feel better about myself.???

I'm going away for a while .

2006-11-07T11:10:00.000-08:00

Hey Guy's sorry that i have not' been here for a while ,but I am going out on the truck with my boyfriend I needed a big breack. So I will be back in about two week's or so ? Thank you all for the kind word's it really mean's the world to me that you all care so much. And when i get back i will be posting lot's ,and lot's of new poetry for you to read. And Red dirt girl there is a side of me that not' many people don't know about. I will post something about that later on just to give ya'll a smile sneek pek into my soule???? well got to go have a great two week's everyone see you all when I get back.

Hope

Here is something's that I know ya'll don't know about me.

2006-11-01T16:37:00.000-08:00

After stopping by over at barngoddess site I thought that I would post something's about me that you don't know.

1 I have not' one ,but four name's altogether with my two middle names.

2.I am the baby of five children.

3. my mother ,and grandmother raised me alone with no help.

4.I love whereing the clolor black all the time.

5.I love the clolor red more then any other.

6. I hate the cololr pink with a passion.

7.I don't like being around people that are dead ,and will not' go to a fenral home at all because they tottaly freack me out.

8. I atedded theatre class in college ,and passed that class an a+

9. I was once a drag raser ,but I quit because I seen someone that I was very close to die one night ,but I will post about that later .

10. I like to watch Genarl Hospital every day that I have time.

11. I gragewited in the top 3 of my class in head start .

12. I got over an 700 on my ged test.

13. It took me 18 munth's to get my ged ,and that was with going all the way back to headstart ....

14. Some people call me joey .

15.I have never been in jall before ,but there was something's that I did when I was younger that if I had been cought I would be in preson right now ,but I'm not' that person anymore.

16. I sleep with a white teddy bear at night when I'm stick .

17. I was once in a gang at one pont in my life.

18.I am good at singing ,and acting I love both .

19. I love looking at black roeses even though they freak my family out.

20. I still watch the movie bambe ,and the sound of music.

21. I have Ocd

22. I love standing outside in the middle of a lighting storm .

23. I am a child magnet ,but still to this day don't know why??

24. I come from a family that has more then 500 member's in it that are still living today.

25.I like to go hunting with my nife.

26.I can name every cher song ,and every movie that she was in.

27. I can qutie every line from every movie that I have ever watched in my life.

28. My father's name was sid ,and I have a cousen named Fuzzey .

29.I have never tried drug's in my life.

30. I love gun's any ,and every kind.

31.I like to colact rock's ,and nifghfe's

32. I have killed 4 deer in the last 3 year's .

33. I love to well never mind.

alright that is all that I can post about me because the rest of my life ,and the thing's in it is way to long ,and personal so I hope that I don't bore ya'll to much with this well I'm off to post some more poetry now.

it's another post about my family tree.

2006-10-31T18:28:00.000-08:00

Ya'll may not' know this about me so I thought that I would share with you some of my most favret memoris about growing up here in arkansas.

I can remember back when I was about that is when I got my very first nic name ,and that was Eag 2 that is what my Uncal called me ,and now he called "I Will" but I don't know why??

On my 14th birth day I can still remember that day like it was yesterday because that is the day that I got my first horse his name is ben ,and I still have him to this day .

One day about 3 years ago I desided to take off on my horse ,and go for a long ride to clear my head ,and when I did I was gone for two whole day's ,and the funny part is that I don't even remember where I went I think that I was just trying to get as far away as Fast as I could.

On this very day 2year's ago I met my nece Danell for the very frist time ,and when she met me ever sense that day she has alway's been telling me that I am her most favret aunt.

At this time last year was really the first time that I really got to know my oldist sister untile that day I had only seen my sister about 10 time's in 18 years of my life,and that is one day that I will forever charish for as long as I live.

My frist Chismouss was last year ,and yes I know that sound's kinda funny ,but my family don't belilve in it ,but last year I started belilveing I was at my sister's house when I had my first one ,and there is just something about watching the family decorat the tree it just does something to a person.

well I think that I have said to much already ,but I couldnot' think of anything elasc to post.

Why Must I feel so much "

2006-10-31T18:08:00.000-08:00

As I go throughout this life I can't help ,but wonder why I must feel so much that goes on around me.

Why must I alway's love so truley ,and pruely
Why must I been the one that care's so much about other's feeling's ,and not' my own?
Why must I alway's feel that I'm alway's talking to my self?
Why must I alway's fall in love with the wrong guy's ?
Why must I alway's feel pain ,and not' only my own but other's pain as well.
Why must I alway's be the one to see thing's before they happen?
Why must I be forced to see only good thing's in my life ,and not' the bad?
Why must I alway's Try ,and help the poeple that I love ,and put them first before my self?
Why must I set here at night ,and cry ?
Why must my horse be ill?
Why must my truck always breack down on me ?
Why must I be here in this place that I can no longer stand?
Why must the people that I love alway's hurt me so badly?
Why must I even blog about this ?

I don't know where or why I posted this I guess I just needed to vet for a while? I am sorry about that ,but sometime's writing is the only way for me ecspase my self ,and feel better when I am not' sure why I'm feeling like this. Ok now I'm going to stop bitching about my life ,and try to post of poetry.

I don't really know what to post about today?

2006-10-31T15:01:00.000-08:00

I am just not' thinking right today or something I have been out all week loading ,and holing hay yesterday I hand loaded about 300 bale's or so ,and when I got back home I was so tired ,and ready to go straght to bed. I know that I have not' been posting latly as much I uesto ,but I have not' been sleeping at night ,and I don't know why?? Today I feel like my who life is trying to fall apart on me ,and it feel's that there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I am madly in love with someone ,and we have been talking about the big M word ,but I'm still waiting on him to ask me ,but it is so hard right now because I'm begining to wonder if I am ever going to get a ring fromt that man? Its' like this ok I know that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of life with. But he tell's me the same thing all the time ,but that's all he has done is just talk ,and everytime that I ask him if he is sure that he want's to be with me he never awser's my qustion who is ? Does anyone ever really understand men anyway???? I know that I sure don't I think maybe that I should just tell him that untile he can make up his mind that we should be apart for a while what do you think???? I know that I'm sick ,and tired of waiting on something that may never come around.

Here is my philahophiy on life"

2006-10-31T14:40:00.000-08:00

Take each day as it come's to you
Alway's remembering to enjoy the time's that you spend with the one's that you love most.
Try not' to let little thing's like fighting come beween you ,and your family for when everything is said ,and done they are still going to be your family ,and the one's that love you most.
Try to just enjoy life its' self ,and not' what it has put you through ,Try to alway's leans a loving hand to thoues who need you most ,and let them know that you are alway's going to there for them when they need you the most in their life.
I try to not' let a singal day go by with out telling the most importont people in my life that I love them Because I have learnd the very hard way that life is short,and we never really know witch day that come's will be our last.

Here is a pic of me ,my mom,and my sister.
I love this pic because its' one of only two photo's where none of us was fighting with eachother ,and it was taken when I got to go for my first CHER conceart that was so cool.

THE WORLD"

2006-10-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

The World""
This world that we live in is the very thing that makes us who we are
with the good ,and the bad thing's that we must sometime's go through the only that we do is embrace it with all are might. And for everything that it places within our path we all somehow find our own way around these opstcil's one way or another at one pont in our live's. Even though we all do this so diffrently ,but yet in so many way's the same. We are given the chouse to take this life that we live ,and see only the bad or we can look at both the good ,and the bad thing's because we have to deal with both of them each ,and every day of our live's. I chouse to see only the good in other people ,but even though sometime's people tell me that I should not' be so kind hearted ,and careing about other's I just look them in the eye ,and say to them What do you want me to do about it I am who I am in this world ,and in the next I will be the same person that I am today because I am who I am ,and noone can ever change that If I could I wouldent because I am heppy being me because I know what I am here for.

What I call a good day filled with nothing ,but fun.

2006-10-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

This past saterday I went down to my sister's house for a holloween party that I my nice was throwing ,and I got to finally met my other nice's ,and nehfew's ,and now I know all of my family ,and to me that's really cool because I have found out this past weekend that they all think that I'm the collist aunt in the whole wide world ,and that really make's me feel good. My oldist Nice is 32 then it goes like this 32,28,15,10,9,8,8,and then the youngist one is 7 munth's old now ,and saterday was the first time that I met him ,and he is just so sweet he craled all the way arouss the living room floor to get to me so I just had to hold him even he love's me already ,but the really said part is that I am so afread that if I ever have any children of my own that I would be a bad mother I mean I have never met a kid that didnot' like me so what do you think?? do you think that I would be a bad mom someday??

My love ,and my life"

2006-10-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

This is my heart ,my soule ,and every minint of my entire life this is what make's my day so bright ,and happy so full of life ,and loughfter ,and joy this is my love ,and my entirer whole world ,and my life .

this is me "

2006-10-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

This is me alway's runing fancy ,and free I have been told by many people that I have the spirit of a wild horse because I am always moving ,and am hardly ever still for more then a minit. My best friend ,and blood sister Idea gave me that name as my Indean name she said that she gave me this name because I have a very free spirit ,and a prue heart ,and that my spirit could never be brocken. So I say this only once THis is my the real me that not' very many people get to see this is me I am the spirit of a wild horse always running fancy ,and free Because I am the free spirit of my land.

here is one of my really spooky story's that happened to me one time.

2006-10-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Back about five years ago I was going hunting with my Sister ,and my cusen ,and my cousen ,and sister had left me behind to go to the other stand ,and it was almost getting dark out side . My cousen was having a really hard time that weekend ,and as I was setting there on the grand by a big red oak tree I heard something moving torwd's me from behind ,and I truned around ,and I seen my anual walking to me ,and he was telling me that he wanted me to keep a cloes eye on my cousen J because he was afread that he was going to do something really very stupid so I said ok I would . Well that night after we got back from hunting J wanted to go over to get some beer ,and I told my mother that I had to go with him my mom said why I told her that I just knew that I had to go with him. And so we went to the liqer store after we got back home that night J got really drunk ,and starting doing some really stupid thing's he went in to my house ,and got the 12gadge shot gun ,and set down in the floor he then put the barl of the gun in his mouth ,and was going to pull the tirger my mom ,and my sister was both trying to take the gun away from him ,but evertime that they would get cloes to him he would put the gun forther in his mouth . I just set there for about five mimnent's or so ,and then I finally went over to him ,and I told him I said your dad would not' want you to be acting like this ,and I think that you know that. He then took the gun out of his mouth ,and haded it to me he was in shock that I dident try to take it away from him ,and that's why he just gave up and gave it to me.
Alright for the really wired part of the story now
my cousen had been fighting with him self for about three years at that time the reason being is that he felt geltey because he did not' go ,and see his father when he was in the hospital ,and he was blaming himself because he was not' being man eunghf to take that seeing his dad in there the way that he was. Ok now for the really spooky part of this story
My Uncal had died just three years to the day before that night ,and yes this is a true story I mean that this really did happen to me ,and to this day J still does not' know why I knew what to tell him that night to make him put the gun down ,and I am not' sure if I will ever tell him , but he told me later on that same year that he had no Iday why I was the only person that would listion to about that night ,and about what he was going to do.

its' going to be another long week out here for me.

2006-10-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am going to me very first Hollween party ,and will be gone all night then on sunday I have to go work on some old fice's that need to be fixed.then on wensday I have to go pic up my friend's horse tralier because on next friday I am going to be helping the college put on a hollween show for the kid's. I get to be the headluss horse man , and so I have to take my horses with me this could be really danogerse though because my horses have never been around that many people before in there life. So it could be really interasting for me , and my other rider ?? but I think that it will all go down just fine I know how my horses are , and I think that they will have fun helping me with this show. And besides I need to get out of the house anyway. so everyone wish me luck ok , and I will post on saterday how thing's went at the college alright , and if I don't post anything on saterday then you will know that I got really badly hurt lol.

This exsplanes the name of my blog.

2006-10-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am one who walk's in the shadow's I will always see you , but you will never see me.
I can walk right up to you ,and talk to you ,but as soon as your not' looking I will dessapir , and you will never see me again. I will see you passing by on the street , but you will never remember my face, and that's why I am called by many people the shadow walker you want ever know that I'm around unless I want you to know . I can come ,and go as I pleas with out anyone ever knowing that I'm nere. I live my whole life as a shadow hovering over this wrold the reason being that I am always watching , and always waiting for something to happen I am always there to help other's when they need me most , and then after I have done my part I leve , and that person will never see me again because I am the shadow walker that walke's amoung us watching over the rest of us.

I will post a story for ya'll later ,and I hope that ya'll don't think I'm a freak or anything , but this is how I see thing's.

2006-10-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

"What is Love"

What is love " some say that love is blind some say that love will always remane some say that love is true some say that love is corle . some say that love is a gift from god ,some say that love is a curse some might even say that love make's then want to die. And some people say that they need love to servive .Ether way love is love , and no one know's how or what it is or where it is , but we do all know this love is love.

"Running Horse"

Ok it's another one of my poems for you.

2006-10-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

This one is called "Live as if you have never live'd before"

ANOTHER YEAR HAS ALREADY COME , AND GONE
ANOTHER SPRING HAS ALREADY PAST.
ANOTHER SUMMER HAS ALREADY GONE BAD.
ANOTHER FALL HAS ALREADY FALLEN.
ANOTHER WHENTER IS ALMOST HERE.
ANOTHER DAY TO START A BRAND NEW YEAR.
TO LIVE AS IF YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED' IS TO TAKE THIS NEW YEAR , AND START LIVING LIFE WITH A WHOL NEW BEGNING A CHANSE TO BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE MOST. THE CHANCE TO TO START OVER IN A NEW PLACE . TAKE THIS NEW YEAR TO PROSPER , AND TO LIVE AS IF YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED BEFORE.

I wrote this for a very good friend of mine that was going through a really hard time , and I don't always know how or even why I write , but I do know that it feel's right to me.

I'm so proud of this ltiile one.

2006-10-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

This is Kari's little Girl , and I am so proud of her today this little one won her very first belt buckal On Pasty the poney that she got back in Jully . I am just so very happy , and proud of my Nice , and I know that she is going to win many many more as she goes on to be one of the best barll racing cowgirl's in the state of Arkansas . Can you tell that i'm really happy right now , and so proud ?? I can't help it when I got that call you would swar that it was me that won that buckal.

"A Time for everything "

2006-10-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

"A time for everything "

A Time to live , and a time to die
A time to laugh , and a time to cry.
A time to learn , and a time to be Taught
A time to stand , and A time to fall.
A time to love , and a time to heat.
A time to feel , and a time to be numb
A time to speek , and a time listion
A time to drive , and a time to fly
A time to be , and a time not' to be
A time for change , and A time for gain
A time for loss ,and a time for seasons to stay the same.
A time to stay , and a time to move on
A time move forword ,and a time to go back.
A time to look ,and a time not' to look,
A time to need , and a time to help
A time to be here ,and a time to be gone .
A time to say I need you , and a time to say I love you.
A time to be with you , and a time to leave you
A time to live for you , and a time to morn you.
A time to say goodbye , and a time to say hello
In this world you will soon see that there is always going to be a time for everything , and even if thats hard to belilve sometimes , but its' the truth , and yes also in by saying this I must also say that as there is a time for everything there is also a place for everything , and everything happens for a reason.

BY RUNNING HORSE,
HOPE .

well that's all I am posting of my poetry for now like I said I don't want to bore ya'll to death.

today's poetry day because I feel like writing.

2006-10-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

THE WIND''
The wind is so beauty full, and free oh wind how i wish I could be as free as you.
Just the right time to be so gracefully , and wild with your ever blowing ,and souring of one that is so pure , and free Oh how I wish I could fly with the to the edge of the earth where the rivers touch the sand ,and when the storms come rowing through I want to watch you work I want to see , and feel your presence , but most of all I to know what it feel's like to be as fast , and as free as the wind.

RUNNING HORSE.

this is just something that i wrote a really long time ago I have been meaning to post some of my porty here ,but havent yet because I don't want to bore people with this so yall just let me know what you think about this one before I post anymore ok. That way I will know if it is boring you or not , but I really do hope that you enjoy this one .

An update on my mare"

2006-10-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

Well I thought I would post an update on how Chiany is doing its' been really chily out today , but so far she seems to be doing good right now. She is not' lemping bad , and I can tell that she is feeling much better now then she did the otherday. I think that the med's are really helping her a lot , and she is starting to run a little now , and thats something that she was not' done in about 1munth or so. But anyway this was your update for the week thank's for thinking about my mare barngoddes I know that she thank's you as much as I do.

Sand of life"

2006-10-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

Sand oh Beautifull sand with every grain god has a plan.with every shiney sparkel there is a light at the end of this tunal. On every beach shore there is a becan to shed some light on your darkest moments. In every boat house there is , but one raft to carry you to you destination in witch every person has the same destiation in one pont of their life or another. We all get to be that one special grein of sand in god's eye's wether it be standing on the ocen shore talking to him or if we might be just standing beside the river we are all that one special grain of sand . And that's why I call this the sand of life because we are all equlley special like a grin of sand to god.

Its' some cherokee word's for yall

2006-10-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

I thought that sense I'm feeling really good today that i would post some new cherokee word's for all of you to read.

osda odalv adonvdo wehali unelale ayule
ok in englach now

good mounten spirit eagle god child...
ok did I loese anyone there??? if so just let me know

Ok here is a list of my family's history are you ready for this.

2006-10-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

Alright this is just some of my family's history from my mother's side are you ready?
Somewhere down the line I am Ken to the Squire Boone family ,and that does enclud The one , and only Danuall Boone. I am ken to the Wilson Brother's witch where the out law's of my family way back when. These are just the coolist part's of my family the rest of it is? I'm part , Irish , Chereokee , Mohake , German, French , Englash, Walch, And duch. Yes I know in more plan word's most people would call that A hin's 57 witch yes I am a mixed bolld peorson , but I take more after the Cherokee side ,and that I am very proud of .

photo's of my life "

2006-10-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

This is my people's flag its' the cherokee nation flag I love this photos . It always remind's me about my native side thats the side that I take after the most in spirit .

Here's a good qustion for you all??

2006-10-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Do any of you Belilve in Angels here on earth? and that everything always happens for a reason? let me know what you think I'm just trying to find an anwser to something that has been bugging for a long time now.

Just feelt' like writing this tonight.

2006-10-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

There is always going to be both good , and bad day's as we all go through out this life. But we must all keep hanging on , and holding on to the thing's that we hold most dear , and true to our heart's. And even at time's I know that can be heard to do , but we most take with us the good that we have in our live's , and with the good also come's the bad , but as long as we never give up , and never give in we will always reman the one thing that I have learnd is that when you have people around you that love you it can make life so much esear to get through even the worst times in our live's . I have been bleassed with people like that I have had so many people that have cared for me to gide me , and help me through those bad times in my life, and In retern I can help the people that I care about by always being there for them , and helping them the way that they once helped me through I will help you through on this I give you my word. thing's will get better , and you will make it through this I belilve in you am always going to be right here beside you for every step of the way. And you will be alright so long as you belilve in you self the way that I belilve in you.

here are some of the new song's that I like ??

2006-10-09T20:02:00.000-07:00

just some of the song's that I have grown to love sense the first time that I heard them.

1. "Would you go with me" by Goush Terner
2."Lip's of angel" By Hender
3."Just came back from a war" By Dearl Warler
4.'Tim Magrow " By Tayler Sweft
5."If you going through hell" By Rodney Atcens
6.'Buttans" By the Pussescat Doll's
7." Call me when you sober" by Evanessense
8."My little girl" by Tim Mogrow
9."If you want to " by Sugerland
10."Before he chet's" by Carrie Underwood
11. "Don't forget to remember me " by Carrie Underwood
12."Wasted" by Carrie Underwood
I may be really wired for likeing these but These are just some of the new song's that really move me , and make me feel better.

The person that i was , and the person that i am now.

2006-10-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

I have been working on a scrapbook the past two weeks about me , and my boyfriend James ,and its' really funny because the otherday AS I was reading through it I couldent' help by but see that I am not' the same person that I was before I met him. The person that I once was ,and the person that I am today is so very diffrent ,but yet some what the same? I was always the one that said I would never date never get merried , and never wanted to have children of my own. But now i'm like this sweet loving person that want's all of these things , and we are even talking about getting merried maybe next fall. But so far talk is all that we have been doing I'm still waiting on that ring??? I really do hope that we get merried someday just not' sunday.

A day of theropey with my horse

2006-10-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me , and an old friend went for a nice long ride , and it feel't so good to be out , and rideing again I have not' been riding in such a long time that I almost forget what it feel't like. Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I feel't free I have missed that so much in the past year or two.

My Baby's being retired from riding for now??

2006-09-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

This is my mare Anny May ,and the other day she was diegnotst with bad artharidess in her back left foot ,and now i can't ride her very nuch anymore on long rides at all. So I'm going through a lot of mintal pain ,and that kind of shit right now at the moment ,and trying to deside what i should do about my life now that i have nothing to ride.

just something that i hold dear to my heart.

2006-09-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

Take every day at a time as it comes to you. Always trying to move forword , and move on from the things in the past that have hurt you. and always remember to help others when you can , and lend someone your ear when they need someone to talk to . This is my own pheslofey on life , and the way that i live my life as i live in this wrold today.

Just going to write thought down today???

2006-09-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

This is one of the only news storys that i have been flowoing ever sense i heard about this. This horse has the bigist heart that i have ever seen , and this also has to be the strongist horses that i have ever herd about in my intier life. They was saying that Babro would not' recover from his fall , but i knew that he would pull through in time because, that horse has so much going for him.

just something because i'm really bored right now.....

2006-08-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

I'm just setting here watching the time pass me by ,and waiting for the right time to come when i can start my own new life ,and be happy with myself manly ,and that really bugges me because if your not' happy with your self then how can anyone eals be happy you . I mean this is just what i may sometimes think like at time's about my self ,and somethings around the world ,and right here in my very own state.