This past few weeks I have had many long nights of thinking about what my life will be in about five years ? And all that i have seen so far is that more then likly i will still be living with my family ,and I had plans on being merried by then ,but guess thats not' going to happen eather ? Oh well Its' time that i find the real me that liy's beneth this fleash ,and its time for me to come back to the way that i am meant to be I think that i just need to find a way to make everything thats bothering me just go away far away ,and the sad thing is that i'm not' sure how to do that ? This is the first time that i am going to atmet this here or anywhere elas ,and that is that for once in my life i don't know what i'm going to do I don't know how I'm going to contenue makeing it around here with out a job that i so badly need ,and if i don't find a job within the next two weeks well then i will be in jail ,and then there want be any need for a job so I just don't know what to do anymore ? I would never say this to anyone ,but I 'm afread right now I'm so sceard I don't want to go jail ,but I know that It would be hard ,but at the same time i know that i could make it through ,but right now i'm not' sure about I'm going to do I'm so lost ,and feel like such a bad person because I was being so stupid ,and now i have this big mess that i have to clean up ,and i have told everyone that i must do this on my own ,but I'm not' doing this on my own I'm falling apart thats the truth I'm doing nothing right now but starting to fall apart ,and why because I don't feel that i was making the right chouses in my life there for just a sec I got stupid ,and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life ,but I dident do anything to anyone I was just trying to help the ones that i love ,and now i have to pay the price for that .I think thats about eungf of my things for today I will try ,and post a more happy thought tomorow sometime ,and try to find the words to write some new poetry if i can do that I have not' been able to write for some time now thast why I have ot' been posting that much ,but i am going to try ,and make that up to you all if i can thanks you everone for comming back to my site ,and I will be making the rounds as soon as I can NOTE to Annalessa I can not' leave comments on your site I don't know why ,but I can't I have been over there all week ,and still can't leave any so If you don't see my comment its' because I' can't leave then ok. I hope that you all have a nice day ,and i will see yuo all tomorow .
Thursday, February 08, 2007
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3 comments:
oh hope!
((hugs))
Ive been scared plenty before in my life.
We cant run from our troubles or the demons that are after us. The only way to beat them is face them down and take care of them so they cant come back to haunt us.
Im thinking of you while your going thru this.
Im hear if you ever need an ear.
thanks barn goddess that really means a lot to me . I have just been holding all this up inside of me ,and I had to let it all out I am not' trying to b***h about my dumb life but this is the only way that I can let it all out so that I don't have a breack down. But I do apershat you being here for me thanks your a good friend ,and oh ha the last time that I talked to Kari she said to tell you hello.
Bless you, Hope! You're going through so many troubles of your own, and you're still thinking of others... You're an absolute sweetheart! I wish I could make all that stuff go away for you, but I can't.
I don't like to tell people to do things, because I usually don't think it's my place, but please, please accept the help of those offering it to you. Don't try to be so independent. Everyone makes mistakes. We all know what it's like. Please let those around you, who love you and want to help... well, just let them help, OK? Nobody can do everything on their own... I know! I'm always trying. But I've come to realise there's no shame in accepting help from others, nor even asking for it! Don't hold it all in, hoping it'll go away. Get someone who can help you, take advice... please!
And about leaving comments? I had to move to new blogger, and some people then had difficulty leaving messages. You can still do it by using the choice 'other' and write in your name and blog-address OR you can do it under 'anonymous' and just sign your name at the end... see if it works, anyhow...
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