I'm finally back for good

it has been so long sense i could come up with something to say there for the longist time i could not' write about anything. but the good news is that sometime last week the real hope came back i don't even know where i was hiding ,but i'm back now ,and am so happy i love this life that i'm living the people that i have around me ,and my blogging family so much . so everyone thats been reading my blog this one is for you its all new so i hope that you enjoy it.




comming home "

I was lost for so long ,and now i have found my way back home this time i think that i will stay for good because , now that i can see everything that i have right here in front of me i don't want to ever leave this beautyfull life that i'm living ever again. i am me and me is back thats the best part of my life i can see now that i have not' been here for the people that i love as i shold have been ,but thats not' going to happen ever again because i'm here now ,and i'm not' going anywhere again i love being back to my true self ,and i can see now that there is so much that i must catch up on i have lost so many things in the pest two years ,but i know now that what don't kill you only makes you stronger ,and now i plan on living this life each day at a time ,and just being happy with the one's that i love most the one's that have always been here the people that have never left my side you all are the reason that i came back ,and the reason that i'm so happy now because, you have opend my eye's and now i can see that no matter how baad things in this life may get everything will be alright ,and that i don't have to hide myself from the wrold anymore thats what i have been doing for some time now is hiding from everyone ,and everything ,but i will not' hide no more as i am now ,and forever truly FREE SPIRIT the one that will never give up again not' on love ,friends ,family or life I'm free to be me again and that feels great thanks everyone for makng me hang in there i could not' have mead this jurnery without any of you thank you so much

love free spirit la.

I'm being set free once ,and for all

i know that it has been so long sense my last post ,and that most of you have already taken me off your friends list ,but i am kinda just writing this because i need to let everything out before i lose my mind ,and go insane over the hell that i have been through in the past three weeeks or so ,and i also know that no one really wants to here about it ,but as i said i must write now before its to late ,and i do something that i will end up regrting with my won life.my life in the last two weeks has been nothing ,but pure hell the one person that i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with brock my heart in a way that even i am unable to explane at this poimt ? I am letting him go setting him free from the laif that i once wanted because i have found out that this is just not ' going to work for me i can not' handel being locked up traped or confined thats why i am moving on with my life its not'
because i don't love him anymore i will always love him ,but its easer for me to let him go instade of watching my self being tore down time ,and time again the way that it has been going though out the past year ?I have found someone elas ,but at this point am stille very ify about love because i don't want to be hurt that way again ,and am scared because this man is everuythig that i have ever dreamed about as a life long partner ,but not' really sure how to take all this comming at me at once? I am confuesed right now i had a job at mcdonalds ,but just quit today because the stress that i am undetr riht now is just about to couse me to have a mintal breack down ,and can't handel that i need to fill free ,and i do right now ,but also feel like a LOSSER BECAUSE I HAVE NO job as of today and need another one really soon ,but don't have the heart to tell my mother or grandmother because i don't want them to look at me as a felluer the way that everyone elas looks at me . if i am loosing anyone don't worry about it because right now i don't even know what i'm saying or why at this point right now i am in my whon little world hiding from the rest of the wrold ,and don't really want to come out in to the bright light just want to stay heded forever ,and never come back .



my last words of thought for the week are


life is what you make it to be ,and only you have the power to change what happens in your lifetime. It is only then that we can see the road in witch life has instore for us because, we our selfs as people are blinded by something more then light or darkness we are all at one point in our lives or another blinded by our self's ,and the only thing that can save us when we reach that point in our life is the lord I know i never write much about that at all ,but today i need to say that i thank god each ,and every day for helping me throug this life that without him standing by my side i could not' go on living a nother day.

hopoe laire

why does everyone think that i'm a childl ????

its seems to be that here latly everyone around me thinks that i am just this dumb person that doesent know anything about nothing ? I try telling people what i think about things that happen around here ,but they all act like i'm this dumb ass person that is 100% full of shit with nothing to show fro the things that i know ,and the things that i have done within my own life . I know so much more then these people think i do ,and yet when i damm cop sides with yet they still think that i'm over reacting about things well from now on i have just desided to be this person that does not' talk speek or say a damm word about anything to anyone anymore. the reason being I will try and explane a littel bet later alright.

i'm back its been a hard day

well i'm back now ,but i am also in pain from the car reack that i had around two pm today i am fine ,but have a bad case of wipe lash ,and one brussed lung ,and a brussed rib ,but other then that i'm still alive and kiking . even though I am having trublle breathing and my neck ,and rib hurts like grrrrr grrrr it would take more then that to get read of me .

words of the day from free spirit hope

never let a singal day go buy without telling the people in your life just how very much that you love because,if you don't you never know when that could be the very last day that you ever spend with them.

love life as if you had nothing bad going on in your life just be happy that you are alive each ,and every day for the rest of your life.

help others when ever you get the chance even if you don't feel like it things will always trun out better in the end because , we never really know how the most littleist things can change some one elases life when we help them.

forgive the ones that have hurt you ,and let you down and let them know that you are still there if they need you to get through a hard time in their life.

never take the people that you love forgranted for one day they will not' be here ,and you will loes the time that you could have spent with them when you are takeing them forgranted .

well this is the words of the day from me i done these because i know that even i have broken these a few times manly the last one i had to learn that one the hard way this words that i have writen are words that i good friend of mine told me the day before he deid ,and today is the two year anoversay of his death ,and i thought that i would post these in his huner today so i hop thzat you like them i am now going to take a trip to the simatary where my friend is berred to say goodbye and then i am going to come back home .and work on my fince take care everyone have a great day .

into the night "

as she road into the night she could see the stars in the night sky shining so bright. she then looked over to see that the moon was racing right by her side. as she keeped riding she could here the wind starting to wisper to here floow me if you want to be free. she keeped on riding into the dark cold night as the stars where her guid with the bule moon by her side ,and running with the wind she looked up ,and said what a great night to ride . just then she stoped and said i will run no more for i have to rest before i head off to find my next sun set with that she then went back to the wrold that she had left behind for just one night as she set underneth the midnight sky. she let everything go into the night as she road with the wind just so that she could say i'm alright now i have had my last ride the last time that i will ever run away now its time for me to head back home before the bule midnight moon starts to fad this is my night this is my dream ,and now its time for me to say goodnight to this beatufull midnight sky where the stars are always shining so bright above me in this midnight sky with the moon by my side ,and the wind racing me saying faster faster i can see the light at the end of the road so hold on ,and keep your head up for there will be another night to have such a great ride.

ok that was one of the newist ones that i wrote ,and i really don't know why i wrote this one but i feel really good about it i think that it does kinda fet me good ? well i'm off now to work on something new so that i will have stuff to post later on this week .b

for my bloging family

i would just like to say thanks to all of you for all the support ,and inperation that you all have gaven me through out this whole ordeal ,and wanted to let you all know that i am doing much better i have gotten the whole thing almost worked out ,and it has really helped me knowing that you all have been here for me i still have a long way to go in this dark road ,but its getting better knowing that there are so many people in this wrold that do care about me this much. i am going to start posting more about the good thigs in life instad of bad this way i know that i can at lest help others as i am being helped along the way this really means the wrold to me knowing that i am not' alone in this wrold ,and knowing that i stil have people that care all around me ,and i will post an update onece in a while ,but for this week i'm just going to post the good things that happen in my life ok.
thank you all so much for standing by my side you all give me a reason to keep on writing just when i say that i'm ready to give up i see a comment that someone leaves me ,and it makes me see that if i give up then there want be anymore hope the hope that has always been the free spirit running horse ,and i know that i can't give up on that no matter what i can see now that i just can't give up on the things ,and the people that i love .

thanks family
from hope the shadow walker /running horse -free spirit la.

with love hope

some words for thought from free spirit .hope

live each and every day as it comes to you . live and let live as if you never had any chouse about what this life has instore for you. make each and every minent that you spend with your loved one's last for a life time without ever haveing any regrats about what you should have done in life . give unto others the memoreys that you hold most dear ,and true let them always know that you will be there for them each ,and every day no matter what kind of mood that your in. give unto others without ever asking for anything in retrune.

these are the wrods of the day by me I have found all this out the very hard way in this past few weeks so I have desided to make this one of my main posts starting today each saterday i am going to post a WORDS OF THOUGHT POST IN my blog so that i will be able to look back on each ,and everything that i have ever writen for my self ,and for the people that i love so much in my life.

i hope that this don't bore anyone to bad ,but its what i felt like had to write today because when i write things like this i feel so much better insend then when i post about the bad things that are going on in my life.

here goes a new one for you all to see just now got back in to the writing wrold again.

she has spent her whole life waiting on something to come along ,but was never really sure what it it was that she was waiting for? One day in a walmart parking lot she finds what it is that she has been searching for her entire life. she looks over at the white dodge that drives up to her car ,and as she waits for the driver to step out from behind the will she then stops ,and think's to herself could this be what i have been waiting for for so long now? as the driver steps out of the truck she lets her eye's met his eyes she then shacks his hand ,and try's to see what this man is mead of as she just stands there she soon realzes that this is the only time that she has ever been this happy ,and as she waits for the right time she then says to herself this is the man that i am going to spend the rest of my life with. she spent all night with the kind man just talking z,and loughfing as she had never been so happy in her whole life ,and as the evning fads away in to the bright sunset the man asked her do you wish to ever see me again? z,she then tells him yes for the rest of my life because i am not going to let you get away for it has taken me so long to find you . as then parted that night all she could think about on the way home was that for once in her life she could now be as free as she was to be after searching her whole life for this person she never thought that she would find him in a walmart parking lot at 6.45 pm on may the 2oth 2oo6 . this one of the only dazys that she will forever remember for as long as she lives the very day that she met the love of her life.

A lot of you may not' know this about me but this is just the main part of the story behind how i met my main man ,and i thought that it would be fun to post this to think what the rest of the wrold thought about this short story? well i'm off now to post an update for you all.

mother in law to be from hell

I have been setting here all alone for the past week while my boyfriend desided to stay with his mom for this week ,and now sense his mom ant that crazy about me here latly she want let him call me ,or even emil me because she wants him all to her self ,and I know that she is his mother ,but at the same time you know I am the person that he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with ,and its like now she can't stand the fact that he loves me ,and that hes happy with me I just don't understand people anymore I really don't ? I am not' meaning to be a b**** but its hard for me right now because all I do is love the people that I love ,and thats it ,but she has to be acting like I killed someone or something ,and all I did was love her son like on one elas had ever loved him.

Seeing a part of you that you never knew you had ?

This past few weeks I have had many long nights of thinking about what my life will be in about five years ? And all that i have seen so far is that more then likly i will still be living with my family ,and I had plans on being merried by then ,but guess thats not' going to happen eather ? Oh well Its' time that i find the real me that liy's beneth this fleash ,and its time for me to come back to the way that i am meant to be I think that i just need to find a way to make everything thats bothering me just go away far away ,and the sad thing is that i'm not' sure how to do that ? This is the first time that i am going to atmet this here or anywhere elas ,and that is that for once in my life i don't know what i'm going to do I don't know how I'm going to contenue makeing it around here with out a job that i so badly need ,and if i don't find a job within the next two weeks well then i will be in jail ,and then there want be any need for a job so I just don't know what to do anymore ? I would never say this to anyone ,but I 'm afread right now I'm so sceard I don't want to go jail ,but I know that It would be hard ,but at the same time i know that i could make it through ,but right now i'm not' sure about I'm going to do I'm so lost ,and feel like such a bad person because I was being so stupid ,and now i have this big mess that i have to clean up ,and i have told everyone that i must do this on my own ,but I'm not' doing this on my own I'm falling apart thats the truth I'm doing nothing right now but starting to fall apart ,and why because I don't feel that i was making the right chouses in my life there for just a sec I got stupid ,and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life ,but I dident do anything to anyone I was just trying to help the ones that i love ,and now i have to pay the price for that .I think thats about eungf of my things for today I will try ,and post a more happy thought tomorow sometime ,and try to find the words to write some new poetry if i can do that I have not' been able to write for some time now thast why I have ot' been posting that much ,but i am going to try ,and make that up to you all if i can thanks you everone for comming back to my site ,and I will be making the rounds as soon as I can NOTE to Annalessa I can not' leave comments on your site I don't know why ,but I can't I have been over there all week ,and still can't leave any so If you don't see my comment its' because I' can't leave then ok. I hope that you all have a nice day ,and i will see yuo all tomorow .

thoughts about my last post .

I know that most people may think that because all this has come up that I'm a bod person ,but I wanted to say that I'm not' I only cahsed that check ,and started working with the company that sent it to me because I needed the money really bad ,and there was some things that I needed to take care of . I was only trying to get ahead on some bils ,but I can see now that instade of getting ahed I got scroed over big time ,and I kike myself now for being so damm stupid about everything . I wish now that i hadent of cahsed that check ,but at the same time I needed the money ,and thats where I messed up big time I wasent thinking about anything ,and now I have to fix this because its my mestace ,and only mine its up to me now to do what I can to get myself out of this . I know that I only have two options right now 1 is pay it all back in payments or 2 just go to jail for around 5 years ,but I will do one of the two because I will not' run I have learnd that running from your prublums just makes it worse on you so I am going to just think about what I can do about this for now.
I do hope that no one thinks I'm a bad perosn because I'm really not' I just wanted to help my family out with somethings thats all.

I'm still here for a while anyway?

well I'm back but I know that its been a long time sense I last posted ,and thats because there has been so many things going on around here ,and I am yet once again looking for work ? yeah I know it really sucks because I really did like the job its self ,but standing up starght for 8 hours a day was killing me so bad. I have had so maythings going on this past few weeks ,and most of it I can't say on here ,but I may not' able to blog for a while if I don't come up with at lest $4,000 dollars within the next 30 days I will be in jail ,and no I did not' kill anyone or stil anything I chashed a check that was sent to me through the us mail ,and I cashed it ,and then found out today that that check bounsed like a rubber boll ,and so now I have to pay all that money back ,and I don't have a job anymore I don't have any money so if yall don't see me around then you will know where I am ok. well anyway thats just about all thats been going on here other then the fact that I have had some people teartoing to kill me ,but thats just about everything that I have been dealing with I hope that you all are having a great week ,and I will post later on this week if i can .
hope

I'm back in the working game now

well starting tomorow morning I am going back to work so if ya'll don't see me around for the week you will know that I'm working hard all week long lol
I will still be posting though ,but it my only be on the weekends though sense I'm going to be working on 2nd shift five days a week now. anyway I hope that all ya'll are doing well I have to get ready for work in the morning so I will post about it later on this week to let you all know how its going .