it's another post about my family tree.

Ya'll may not' know this about me so I thought that I would share with you some of my most favret memoris about growing up here in arkansas.

I can remember back when I was about that is when I got my very first nic name ,and that was Eag 2 that is what my Uncal called me ,and now he called "I Will" but I don't know why??

On my 14th birth day I can still remember that day like it was yesterday because that is the day that I got my first horse his name is ben ,and I still have him to this day .

One day about 3 years ago I desided to take off on my horse ,and go for a long ride to clear my head ,and when I did I was gone for two whole day's ,and the funny part is that I don't even remember where I went I think that I was just trying to get as far away as Fast as I could.

On this very day 2year's ago I met my nece Danell for the very frist time ,and when she met me ever sense that day she has alway's been telling me that I am her most favret aunt.

At this time last year was really the first time that I really got to know my oldist sister untile that day I had only seen my sister about 10 time's in 18 years of my life,and that is one day that I will forever charish for as long as I live.

My frist Chismouss was last year ,and yes I know that sound's kinda funny ,but my family don't belilve in it ,but last year I started belilveing I was at my sister's house when I had my first one ,and there is just something about watching the family decorat the tree it just does something to a person.

well I think that I have said to much already ,but I couldnot' think of anything elasc to post.

Why Must I feel so much "

As I go throughout this life I can't help ,but wonder why I must feel so much that goes on around me.

Why must I alway's love so truley ,and pruely
Why must I been the one that care's so much about other's feeling's ,and not' my own?
Why must I alway's feel that I'm alway's talking to my self?
Why must I alway's fall in love with the wrong guy's ?
Why must I alway's feel pain ,and not' only my own but other's pain as well.
Why must I alway's be the one to see thing's before they happen?
Why must I be forced to see only good thing's in my life ,and not' the bad?
Why must I alway's Try ,and help the poeple that I love ,and put them first before my self?
Why must I set here at night ,and cry ?
Why must my horse be ill?
Why must my truck always breack down on me ?
Why must I be here in this place that I can no longer stand?
Why must the people that I love alway's hurt me so badly?
Why must I even blog about this ?

I don't know where or why I posted this I guess I just needed to vet for a while? I am sorry about that ,but sometime's writing is the only way for me ecspase my self ,and feel better when I am not' sure why I'm feeling like this. Ok now I'm going to stop bitching about my life ,and try to post of poetry.

I don't really know what to post about today?

I am just not' thinking right today or something I have been out all week loading ,and holing hay yesterday I hand loaded about 300 bale's or so ,and when I got back home I was so tired ,and ready to go straght to bed. I know that I have not' been posting latly as much I uesto ,but I have not' been sleeping at night ,and I don't know why?? Today I feel like my who life is trying to fall apart on me ,and it feel's that there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I am madly in love with someone ,and we have been talking about the big M word ,but I'm still waiting on him to ask me ,but it is so hard right now because I'm begining to wonder if I am ever going to get a ring fromt that man? Its' like this ok I know that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of life with. But he tell's me the same thing all the time ,but that's all he has done is just talk ,and everytime that I ask him if he is sure that he want's to be with me he never awser's my qustion who is ? Does anyone ever really understand men anyway???? I know that I sure don't I think maybe that I should just tell him that untile he can make up his mind that we should be apart for a while what do you think???? I know that I'm sick ,and tired of waiting on something that may never come around.

Here is my philahophiy on life"

Take each day as it come's to you
Alway's remembering to enjoy the time's that you spend with the one's that you love most.
Try not' to let little thing's like fighting come beween you ,and your family for when everything is said ,and done they are still going to be your family ,and the one's that love you most.
Try to just enjoy life its' self ,and not' what it has put you through ,Try to alway's leans a loving hand to thoues who need you most ,and let them know that you are alway's going to there for them when they need you the most in their life.
I try to not' let a singal day go by with out telling the most importont people in my life that I love them Because I have learnd the very hard way that life is short,and we never really know witch day that come's will be our last.

Here is a pic of me ,my mom,and my sister.
I love this pic because its' one of only two photo's where none of us was fighting with eachother ,and it was taken when I got to go for my first CHER conceart that was so cool.

THE WORLD"

The World""
This world that we live in is the very thing that makes us who we are
with the good ,and the bad thing's that we must sometime's go through the only that we do is embrace it with all are might. And for everything that it places within our path we all somehow find our own way around these opstcil's one way or another at one pont in our live's. Even though we all do this so diffrently ,but yet in so many way's the same. We are given the chouse to take this life that we live ,and see only the bad or we can look at both the good ,and the bad thing's because we have to deal with both of them each ,and every day of our live's. I chouse to see only the good in other people ,but even though sometime's people tell me that I should not' be so kind hearted ,and careing about other's I just look them in the eye ,and say to them What do you want me to do about it I am who I am in this world ,and in the next I will be the same person that I am today because I am who I am ,and noone can ever change that If I could I wouldent because I am heppy being me because I know what I am here for.

What I call a good day filled with nothing ,but fun.

This past saterday I went down to my sister's house for a holloween party that I my nice was throwing ,and I got to finally met my other nice's ,and nehfew's ,and now I know all of my family ,and to me that's really cool because I have found out this past weekend that they all think that I'm the collist aunt in the whole wide world ,and that really make's me feel good. My oldist Nice is 32 then it goes like this 32,28,15,10,9,8,8,and then the youngist one is 7 munth's old now ,and saterday was the first time that I met him ,and he is just so sweet he craled all the way arouss the living room floor to get to me so I just had to hold him even he love's me already ,but the really said part is that I am so afread that if I ever have any children of my own that I would be a bad mother I mean I have never met a kid that didnot' like me so what do you think?? do you think that I would be a bad mom someday??

My love ,and my life"

This is my heart ,my soule ,and every minint of my entire life this is what make's my day so bright ,and happy so full of life ,and loughfter ,and joy this is my love ,and my entirer whole world ,and my life .

this is me "

This is me alway's runing fancy ,and free I have been told by many people that I have the spirit of a wild horse because I am always moving ,and am hardly ever still for more then a minit. My best friend ,and blood sister Idea gave me that name as my Indean name she said that she gave me this name because I have a very free spirit ,and a prue heart ,and that my spirit could never be brocken. So I say this only once THis is my the real me that not' very many people get to see this is me I am the spirit of a wild horse always running fancy ,and free Because I am the free spirit of my land.

here is one of my really spooky story's that happened to me one time.

Back about five years ago I was going hunting with my Sister ,and my cusen ,and my cousen ,and sister had left me behind to go to the other stand ,and it was almost getting dark out side . My cousen was having a really hard time that weekend ,and as I was setting there on the grand by a big red oak tree I heard something moving torwd's me from behind ,and I truned around ,and I seen my anual walking to me ,and he was telling me that he wanted me to keep a cloes eye on my cousen J because he was afread that he was going to do something really very stupid so I said ok I would . Well that night after we got back from hunting J wanted to go over to get some beer ,and I told my mother that I had to go with him my mom said why I told her that I just knew that I had to go with him. And so we went to the liqer store after we got back home that night J got really drunk ,and starting doing some really stupid thing's he went in to my house ,and got the 12gadge shot gun ,and set down in the floor he then put the barl of the gun in his mouth ,and was going to pull the tirger my mom ,and my sister was both trying to take the gun away from him ,but evertime that they would get cloes to him he would put the gun forther in his mouth . I just set there for about five mimnent's or so ,and then I finally went over to him ,and I told him I said your dad would not' want you to be acting like this ,and I think that you know that. He then took the gun out of his mouth ,and haded it to me he was in shock that I dident try to take it away from him ,and that's why he just gave up and gave it to me.
Alright for the really wired part of the story now
my cousen had been fighting with him self for about three years at that time the reason being is that he felt geltey because he did not' go ,and see his father when he was in the hospital ,and he was blaming himself because he was not' being man eunghf to take that seeing his dad in there the way that he was. Ok now for the really spooky part of this story
My Uncal had died just three years to the day before that night ,and yes this is a true story I mean that this really did happen to me ,and to this day J still does not' know why I knew what to tell him that night to make him put the gun down ,and I am not' sure if I will ever tell him , but he told me later on that same year that he had no Iday why I was the only person that would listion to about that night ,and about what he was going to do.

its' going to be another long week out here for me.

Tonight I am going to me very first Hollween party ,and will be gone all night then on sunday I have to go work on some old fice's that need to be fixed.then on wensday I have to go pic up my friend's horse tralier because on next friday I am going to be helping the college put on a hollween show for the kid's. I get to be the headluss horse man , and so I have to take my horses with me this could be really danogerse though because my horses have never been around that many people before in there life. So it could be really interasting for me , and my other rider ?? but I think that it will all go down just fine I know how my horses are , and I think that they will have fun helping me with this show. And besides I need to get out of the house anyway. so everyone wish me luck ok , and I will post on saterday how thing's went at the college alright , and if I don't post anything on saterday then you will know that I got really badly hurt lol.

This exsplanes the name of my blog.

I am one who walk's in the shadow's I will always see you , but you will never see me.
I can walk right up to you ,and talk to you ,but as soon as your not' looking I will dessapir , and you will never see me again. I will see you passing by on the street , but you will never remember my face, and that's why I am called by many people the shadow walker you want ever know that I'm around unless I want you to know . I can come ,and go as I pleas with out anyone ever knowing that I'm nere. I live my whole life as a shadow hovering over this wrold the reason being that I am always watching , and always waiting for something to happen I am always there to help other's when they need me most , and then after I have done my part I leve , and that person will never see me again because I am the shadow walker that walke's amoung us watching over the rest of us.

I will post a story for ya'll later ,and I hope that ya'll don't think I'm a freak or anything , but this is how I see thing's.

"What is Love"

What is love " some say that love is blind some say that love will always remane some say that love is true some say that love is corle . some say that love is a gift from god ,some say that love is a curse some might even say that love make's then want to die. And some people say that they need love to servive .Ether way love is love , and no one know's how or what it is or where it is , but we do all know this love is love.

"Running Horse"

Ok it's another one of my poems for you.

This one is called "Live as if you have never live'd before"


ANOTHER YEAR HAS ALREADY COME , AND GONE
ANOTHER SPRING HAS ALREADY PAST.
ANOTHER SUMMER HAS ALREADY GONE BAD.
ANOTHER FALL HAS ALREADY FALLEN.
ANOTHER WHENTER IS ALMOST HERE.
ANOTHER DAY TO START A BRAND NEW YEAR.
TO LIVE AS IF YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED' IS TO TAKE THIS NEW YEAR , AND START LIVING LIFE WITH A WHOL NEW BEGNING A CHANSE TO BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE MOST. THE CHANCE TO TO START OVER IN A NEW PLACE . TAKE THIS NEW YEAR TO PROSPER , AND TO LIVE AS IF YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED BEFORE.

I wrote this for a very good friend of mine that was going through a really hard time , and I don't always know how or even why I write , but I do know that it feel's right to me.

I'm so proud of this ltiile one.

This is Kari's little Girl , and I am so proud of her today this little one won her very first belt buckal On Pasty the poney that she got back in Jully . I am just so very happy , and proud of my Nice , and I know that she is going to win many many more as she goes on to be one of the best barll racing cowgirl's in the state of Arkansas . Can you tell that i'm really happy right now , and so proud ?? I can't help it when I got that call you would swar that it was me that won that buckal.

"A Time for everything "

"A time for everything "

A Time to live , and a time to die
A time to laugh , and a time to cry.
A time to learn , and a time to be Taught
A time to stand , and A time to fall.
A time to love , and a time to heat.
A time to feel , and a time to be numb
A time to speek , and a time listion
A time to drive , and a time to fly
A time to be , and a time not' to be
A time for change , and A time for gain
A time for loss ,and a time for seasons to stay the same.
A time to stay , and a time to move on
A time move forword ,and a time to go back.
A time to look ,and a time not' to look,
A time to need , and a time to help
A time to be here ,and a time to be gone .
A time to say I need you , and a time to say I love you.
A time to be with you , and a time to leave you
A time to live for you , and a time to morn you.
A time to say goodbye , and a time to say hello
In this world you will soon see that there is always going to be a time for everything , and even if thats hard to belilve sometimes , but its' the truth , and yes also in by saying this I must also say that as there is a time for everything there is also a place for everything , and everything happens for a reason.

BY RUNNING HORSE,
HOPE .

well that's all I am posting of my poetry for now like I said I don't want to bore ya'll to death.

today's poetry day because I feel like writing.

THE WIND''
The wind is so beauty full, and free oh wind how i wish I could be as free as you.
Just the right time to be so gracefully , and wild with your ever blowing ,and souring of one that is so pure , and free Oh how I wish I could fly with the to the edge of the earth where the rivers touch the sand ,and when the storms come rowing through I want to watch you work I want to see , and feel your presence , but most of all I to know what it feel's like to be as fast , and as free as the wind.

RUNNING HORSE.



this is just something that i wrote a really long time ago I have been meaning to post some of my porty here ,but havent yet because I don't want to bore people with this so yall just let me know what you think about this one before I post anymore ok. That way I will know if it is boring you or not , but I really do hope that you enjoy this one .

An update on my mare"

Well I thought I would post an update on how Chiany is doing its' been really chily out today , but so far she seems to be doing good right now. She is not' lemping bad , and I can tell that she is feeling much better now then she did the otherday. I think that the med's are really helping her a lot , and she is starting to run a little now , and thats something that she was not' done in about 1munth or so. But anyway this was your update for the week thank's for thinking about my mare barngoddes I know that she thank's you as much as I do.

Sand of life"

Sand oh Beautifull sand with every grain god has a plan.with every shiney sparkel there is a light at the end of this tunal. On every beach shore there is a becan to shed some light on your darkest moments. In every boat house there is , but one raft to carry you to you destination in witch every person has the same destiation in one pont of their life or another. We all get to be that one special grein of sand in god's eye's wether it be standing on the ocen shore talking to him or if we might be just standing beside the river we are all that one special grain of sand . And that's why I call this the sand of life because we are all equlley special like a grin of sand to god.

Its' some cherokee word's for yall

I thought that sense I'm feeling really good today that i would post some new cherokee word's for all of you to read.

osda odalv adonvdo wehali unelale ayule
ok in englach now

good mounten spirit eagle god child...
ok did I loese anyone there??? if so just let me know

Ok here is a list of my family's history are you ready for this.

Alright this is just some of my family's history from my mother's side are you ready?
Somewhere down the line I am Ken to the Squire Boone family ,and that does enclud The one , and only Danuall Boone. I am ken to the Wilson Brother's witch where the out law's of my family way back when. These are just the coolist part's of my family the rest of it is? I'm part , Irish , Chereokee , Mohake , German, French , Englash, Walch, And duch. Yes I know in more plan word's most people would call that A hin's 57 witch yes I am a mixed bolld peorson , but I take more after the Cherokee side ,and that I am very proud of .

photo's of my life "

This is my people's flag its' the cherokee nation flag I love this photos . It always remind's me about my native side thats the side that I take after the most in spirit .

Here's a good qustion for you all??

Do any of you Belilve in Angels here on earth? and that everything always happens for a reason? let me know what you think I'm just trying to find an anwser to something that has been bugging for a long time now.

Just feelt' like writing this tonight.

There is always going to be both good , and bad day's as we all go through out this life. But we must all keep hanging on , and holding on to the thing's that we hold most dear , and true to our heart's. And even at time's I know that can be heard to do , but we most take with us the good that we have in our live's , and with the good also come's the bad , but as long as we never give up , and never give in we will always reman the one thing that I have learnd is that when you have people around you that love you it can make life so much esear to get through even the worst times in our live's . I have been bleassed with people like that I have had so many people that have cared for me to gide me , and help me through those bad times in my life, and In retern I can help the people that I care about by always being there for them , and helping them the way that they once helped me through I will help you through on this I give you my word. thing's will get better , and you will make it through this I belilve in you am always going to be right here beside you for every step of the way. And you will be alright so long as you belilve in you self the way that I belilve in you.

here are some of the new song's that I like ??

just some of the song's that I have grown to love sense the first time that I heard them.

1. "Would you go with me" by Goush Terner
2."Lip's of angel" By Hender
3."Just came back from a war" By Dearl Warler
4.'Tim Magrow " By Tayler Sweft
5."If you going through hell" By Rodney Atcens
6.'Buttans" By the Pussescat Doll's
7." Call me when you sober" by Evanessense
8."My little girl" by Tim Mogrow
9."If you want to " by Sugerland
10."Before he chet's" by Carrie Underwood
11. "Don't forget to remember me " by Carrie Underwood
12."Wasted" by Carrie Underwood
I may be really wired for likeing these but These are just some of the new song's that really move me , and make me feel better.

The person that i was , and the person that i am now.

I have been working on a scrapbook the past two weeks about me , and my boyfriend James ,and its' really funny because the otherday AS I was reading through it I couldent' help by but see that I am not' the same person that I was before I met him. The person that I once was ,and the person that I am today is so very diffrent ,but yet some what the same? I was always the one that said I would never date never get merried , and never wanted to have children of my own. But now i'm like this sweet loving person that want's all of these things , and we are even talking about getting merried maybe next fall. But so far talk is all that we have been doing I'm still waiting on that ring??? I really do hope that we get merried someday just not' sunday.

A day of theropey with my horse

Yesterday me , and an old friend went for a nice long ride , and it feel't so good to be out , and rideing again I have not' been riding in such a long time that I almost forget what it feel't like. Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I feel't free I have missed that so much in the past year or two.